Anxiety · Body dismorphia · Death · Mental illness

What I wish for

I wish to be young again

to be 3 or so years old

where I had my closest friend to me

where it was a painful few years but we got through it due to our crazily close friendship.

to have her back would be my biggest wish

to be able to talk to her and to hear her voice one last time.
I wish to have not made some of the mistakes I have.

I wish to not have this painful, destructive mindset

that leads me to do these things

that makes me exercise everyday, because I’m scared to sit down, feeling the fat building up.
I wish to be a different person

a kinder, friendlier, happier, prettier, skinnier person 

someone who everybody regards as ‘a genuine person’.
Someone who doesn’t have such a negative mind

who doesn’t care what they eat

who is confident

who is clever

who isn’t a waste of space and time.
Overall I just wish so greatly for my nan back. My best friend for those short 3 years. 

My best friend, my nan, my hero.

I miss you so much, I know you won’t be proud of me, but I love you so much and am so sorry for being the way I am.
So many regrets, yet no way to change them

So many wishes, yet they will never become reality


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