the person I have left
the history
the person who used to be able to tell me about my nan
the person who would cheer me up – not even realising she was
the person who could remember things from her childhood as though they were yesterday
the person who looked after my mum in those rough times
the person who is just so happy
the person who lives three hours away,
who I can’t even go up to see due to school
who is getting more ill and weaker by the day
who can’t even recognise my mum as her granddaughter
one of the worst things – I can’t remember the last time I saw her, the last thing I said to her
I want her rid of this pain and suffering and hallucinations
But
I can’t imagine a life without her
Endlessly exploring 